Sleep Smarts

Sleep.

It's every new mom's worst yet favorite topic. It's the thing they say you'll miss the most once you become a mother. I agree and disagree. Being a new mom has been so much fun and such a joyful experience that I can't imagine life any other way, and I totally didn't mind the lack of sleep. At the same time, I also understand that in order to keep going at the pace you have to go when taking care of a newborn, it'd be nice to catch a few more Z's than what you're probably getting. I totally get it.

Our first week was hit and miss. Vaught slept on his back in the bassinet beside our bed and would typically sleep an hour and a half to two hours at a time, sometimes not even that long. Typically. But every once in a while he'd spring a three hour nap on me, and it'd be the best three hours of the day... or night. On day 8, my friend, a nurse, came over and held Vaught for a while. I was telling her about my lack of sleep, and she said "When he goes to sleep, I'm putting him on his tummy." I told her no at first. She asked me to trust her, and I knew I could, so I said nothing else. He drifted to sleep, and she took him to our bedroom and laid him on his tummy on our bed. That afternoon he took a four hour nap and woke up in the best mood. He slept beside me on his tummy (his only night in our bed) that night and slept four to five hours at a time. I was amazed. I made the decision the next morning that he would be a tummy sleeper, and we've not looked back. (Disclaimer: we have a monitor that detects the rise and fall of his chest, so we sleep soundly even with him on his tummy. I would never advise a mother to do anything she isn't comfortable with, but if you don't have a monitor similar to this one, they are a great investment. Mine was given as a gift but they run about $115 in store).

The Monday before he turned three weeks old, we began sleep training. Google "sleep training" and you'll find an entire world of information devoted to the topic. That's what I did, and I was careful in selecting different tips and tricks of the trade (from both pediatricians and experienced mommies) that I knew I would be comfortable trying. Today is October 30th, Vaught's "five week old birthday," and for the past two and a half weeks he has been sleeping five and a half to seven hours at a time during the night. I know some of it can be contributed to his growth (as babies grow bigger they typically sleep longer), but I know that much of our sleep success has to do with sleep training.

My parents did similar methods with me and my three siblings when we were babies, so that's why I was so determined to do it with Vaught once he was two weeks old. From the time we were newborns, we slept in our own cribs in our own bedrooms. We knew from the time we were toddlers that mom and dad's bedroom was off-limits. We very rarely slept in between them in their bed and we knew that if we went in there in the middle of the night it had better be for a good reason! I can only remember sleeping in my parents' bed twice as a child. I love that I grew up sleeping independently, so I want Vaught to do the same.

Below I've listed what Eric and I are doing to help Vaught become an independent sleeper. These are tips and steps that have worked for us and for Vaught. That goes without saying that these things may or may not work for you; every parent and every baby is unique, so it's important that you tailor your sleep training methods to fit your parenting style. Feel free to email me at knc9009@gmail.com or message me on Instagram or Twitter (katepace12 and katecoop12 respectively) for additional information/advice/questions/comments/etc :)

1. Routine, routine, routine

I kept running into this on everything I found: get a routine for that baby ASAP! We are creatures of habit and we like the familiar, so start a nighttime routine with baby that he will associate only with bedtime. For Vaught, it begins with a bottle every hour from 6-9 with the intent to get his little tummy full and satisfied. He'll typically just take a couple of ounces every hour during that time. Between 9 and 9:30, he gets a warm bath. We used to do this around 8, but by waiting a little later he sleeps longer in the morning. After bath time, we put him in a clean diaper, sleeper, swaddle, then give him one more bottle while rocking him, but we try not to rock him to sleep (see tip #3). By 10, he's in his crib for bedtime. As the time changes soon and he begins sleeping for even longer periods, we will start his bedtime routine earlier again.

2. Cut naps off at one and one-half hours.

... at the same time though, I recognize when Vaught needs a little longer. During the day, I try to not let him surpass 90 minutes, and I always cut off naps by 6:30pm in order to prepare for a good night's sleep.

3. Do not rock or feed to sleep.

This is part of how he's becoming an independent sleeper, but it's also a terrible habit to break if you're already doing it (I did his first two weeks). I don't want Vaught to grow accustomed to being rocked to sleep or fed to sleep, though it does still happen sometimes. Just when his little eyes start to close, I get up and take him to his crib to put him down. He will sometimes turn his head and go right to sleep, but we usually have to cry for just a few minutes, which takes me to...

4. Fight the urge to go rushing in.

Not to discredit self-proclaimed "Baby Expert" Smith but I had to ignore
things like the above. Not only do I disagree in part, but my research
returned more valid proof in teaching babies to self-sooth than not.

Babies cry, and it is perfectly normal. It's not going to hurt them to cry a little, physically or mentally. I say this because I read that some people believe letting your baby cry is psychologically damaging to him/her. There is no scientific proof of this at all. Neglecting your child's crying all day long? Yes, that would cause some psychological damage, but a few minutes? No.
I put Vaught down, turn his monitor on, light off, and I leave the room with no intentions of going back for at least twenty minutes. That's my "crying cap"-- 20 minutes. Often we go rushing to them at the sound of the first cry, but it's normal for babies to cry or babble a little in the early stages of sleep, and they're perfectly capable of putting themselves to sleep shortly after. If Vaught's not right on the brink of sleep when I put him down, then we're definitely about to listen to a little bit of crying, which is why it's important to establish a wait period that you're comfortable with before you rush to the rescue. As I said, mine is 20 minutes. I will not go into his room until he's been crying for 20 minutes. And you know what? I have yet to have to go in... That means that he has not yet cried for 20 minutes. I think the longest he cried was fourteen minutes one of the first nights, so I don't even think he has surpassed fifteen minutes of crying. He usually puts himself to sleep in under ten. My advice? Your crying cap should be at least 10 minutes. Hear me again, it will not hurt that baby to cry! The first couple nights are the hardest, trust me. When I thought I just couldn't handle the crying, I went in my bathroom and took a shower. By the time I was out, he was fast asleep. By night three, he was asleep in under ten minutes, and we've not regressed!

5. Pray.

I find that everything I attempt to do in life works out much better when I pray about it, and that includes teaching my baby to sleep. Every night before I put Vaught down, I stand with him in front of his crib, cuddling him in my arms, and I pray for him. Sometimes I'll pray out loud, sometimes I'll just talk to God in my head. I pray for Vaught's health and safety, his future relationship with Christ, and even his future wife and children (yes, I'm already praying for my grandchildren)! And of course I pray for a pleasant, happy night of sleep for Vaught. Pray about even those small things because God really does care about the small things!

6. Do what works.

So true!!! Do a little research before you begin to get a feel for what you're comfortable with.

Of all the advice I got and could give you on sleep training, this is the best. I picked different methods that I knew I would be comfortable with trying and luckily, they all worked well with Vaught. If you try something that doesn't seem to work or that makes you uncomfortable, put a stop to it and opt for something different. The first couple nights are hard, but it's important to stick with it and hang in there. If anything, keep in mind that you're doing something that you'll be so thankful for later. If things still don't feel right after a few nights, look at different methods to try! The way we sync up with our babies is just one of many neat things about being a mother, and with time you'll find something that works perfectly for you and baby. Keep at it!

Teaching Vaught to sleep independently has also been beneficial
for naps and playtime too. He has begun entertaining himself a
little more when I lay him down. He'll often "ooh" and "ahh" and
look around for a little while before falling asleep. Yes, sometimes
he will cry before a nap. I use a 15 minute crying cap for naps,
and it works just as well as our nighttime routine.